New Year, New Start

In approximately 3 days I will be preparing for my first day of teaching as a REAL teacher. I am terrified, excited, overjoyed, and proud to start this first year. I know it's gonna be a doozy, but hopefully there will be some lovely moments of grace and clarity thrown in.

Perfectionism

I think one of my main fears about the upcoming school year is that I won't be a 'good enough' teacher. I know I have to get used to the feeling of being 'good enough' over being perfect, but I fear that if I don't do things perfectly, I will lose my job, my students will suffer, my reputation will be destroyed, etc. Wow, deep thoughts.

Buzzy

I think that the number one reason why I want to move back to the East Coast is so that I don't have to cram in "quality time" (which really becomes uncomfortably rushed and anxious time) with family and friends. I hate having ONLY 2 HOURS to see, catch up and spend time with a person who is very important in my life. They deserve more than 2 hours, you know?

Now my body is buzzing from anxiety because I have overwhelmed and overloaded myself, once again, and I'm on the verge of tears. I want to see all these people that mean so much to me but I end up not being able to, disappointing myself and them, and feeling like a failure in maintaining friendships. Sigh.

Unexpected

Got caught in the rain while hiking with Dad and Shep today. It was unexpected and lovely!

I declare...

That this blog will not be used to vent (all the time), air exceedingly negative thoughts, or complain. BUT. I must say... parents should really teach their children how to behave on an airplane. Kicking the back of my seat, pulling it when you stand up and sit down, and banging your feet on the floor incessantly make a 2 hour flight seem very long. VERY long. In contrast, a single mother with two small girls (both under 5) was sitting in front of me and I heard not a peep out of them.

In other news, I have been obsessed with using correct grammar lately. What's up with that?

Selfishness

I really dislike selfish people. Or maybe not so much dislike, but I am unable to get along with them. At all. Perhaps I should just "cut out" the toxicity from my life, but I feel like I wouldn't end up with anyone. Do I attract self-involved types?

Kindness

Why is it so hard to be kind to myself? I feel like I am/can be exceedingly kind to others, but I constantly criticize and overanalyze myself, including my physical appearance, actions, intelligence, etc.

I learned in this past year that I will have to be at peace with "good enough." I cannot be a perfectionist in all areas of my life at all times.