I'm starting to think that I'm not cut out for this. I can't do this job correctly and succeed in all the parts of it. I can't coordinate the program effectively, recruit students, check-in with instructors, keep in touch with teachers/administrators, and attend meetings WHILE RUNNING MY OWN CLASS. I think it's physically impossible to succeed the way that I want to, when I am stretched so thin - emotionally and physically. I've been on the verge of tears all week, and I don't know why.
I'm trying to meet all the needs of the specific kids in my program, because they all need so much help and attention, and I don't think that I can do it to this extent. I can teach them what I can teach them in 2 hours after school, and that's where I have to stop. I can try to teach them life lessons in that time, but I can't change what they've learned their whole lives, what they see when they go home, and the ineffectiveness of their teachers during the day. I have to learn how to turn off.
I just want to change the world and I feel like I'm not doing enough.
3 comments:
But you can do what you can do! That 2 hours might be the bright spot in the day for some of those kids. I know it hurts to see how much they need and not be able to fulfill all of it - but you're there and you care about them, and that fulfills a major need. Anything else you can do past that is great. Don't give up, I know you're giving all you've got and then some. It's enough. I love ya!
hey mag - came across your blog. just so you know . . . this is how everyone feels in your position. so even though it's very disheartening and frustrating, it's part of the process. as someone told me last year when i said the same things you just wrote, "no one thinks they're cut out for it their first year."
My dear, you have already touched children, even when you didn't mean to. It is frustrating, exhausting, but most things worth doing are. I think you are lucky to have something that sets your insides on fire, keeps you up at night, and fills your eyes with tears. How many folks work at jobs they hate? Just remember, you do have an impact, and kids always, always, ALWAYS come first. You rock!
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